afternoon blog

hello, blogging at noon.
am too bored don't know what to do while waiting for my turn.
oh ya, i'm waiting for my turn for driving course.
ga siap siap aselik, the 4th week anw.
keseringan ga masuk atau abang supirnya ngulah bikin emosi, awalnya udh jago eh makin lama makin bego gegara jarang nyetirnya.
sekarang lagi jam makan siang and maybe it will take 1.5hrs until my turn. crap.

am lonely here. in this car.
lagi jam makan siang.
if we're okay and you still love me like the old days,
maybe you'll call me even for 5mins to talk bout anything.
it's the old you.
kamu yang aku kenal akan selalu nyempetin nyari kabar aku dan nelfon aku in your hectic day.
and pity me, am still remembering those days.
the days i should forget.
like you already do.
already forgetting me.
that easily.
like there's nothing happen between us.
like there're no good things between us.
like there's no love between us.
like i mean nothing on you.
i miss our sweet talks,
i miss how you take care of me even you're busy,
i miss your spoiled things.
i miss how we spend the time by only talking bout everything 
i miss you, Baby. 
i miss you freakin much.
mata memanas and am crying again here.
random abis gak sih, siang siang di mobil sendiri nunggu giliran nyetir trus nangis? HAHAHAHA.

kamu lagi makan siang nih kan? 
makan sama siapa dan makan apa sayang?
how was your day anw?
kemaren ngeliat kamu follow salah satu temen kerja kamu dan aku langsung kepoin. 
and i miss you.
kangen sekali sama kamu disini.
kangen sekali till i don't know how to explain:')
am i that fckn idiot for still missing and loving you this hard after everything you did?
i ever made mistakes, but at least i never leave.
like you did.
like you did, Baby.
and my fckn stupidity is, still wondering do you really not love me?
and still believe that the 8months-you still burried in somewhere and will come to me someday.
which i don't know when the someday is.
and what you do now is, throwing me away like i mean nothing to you.
like there's no you with sweet talks and full of love.
aku masih menyesali kenapa kita harus bertemu kalo akhirnya kita begini.
kalo akhirnya aku kamu tinggalkan.
dan dengan cara sesadis ini.
adilkah buat aku?:')

kadang aku bosan kenapa aku harus terus begini kalo kamunya pun ga peduli lagi.
aku sebenernya lelah dengan keadaanku sendiri.
but how i can i hide it if it really what i feel?
i can't show you, i have no right more.
i can't tell you cause i know you ain't care.
then what i supposed to do and i'm feeling so low here?
aku cuma bisa menuliskan perasaan aku.
at least i feel a bit better. even a bit☺
i miss you and i still feel so sad here,
but i can only write my feelings here cause i have no one to tell anymore.
kalo dlu mungkin kamu akan mendengarkan sebaik baiknya dan akan memperbaiki apa yg menurutku kurang, then kita baikan :)
tapi sekarang seakan ga ada lagi kesempatan untuk memperbaiki hal yang sampe sekarang aku ga mengerti.
ga seperti kamu yang dulu begitu baiknya buat aku, begitu sabar dan selalu mendengarkan aku.
but the latest months kamu sama sekali gamau dengerin aku dan hanya mau didengerin.
aku mencoba memahamipun bagi kamu kurang.
entah alasan kamu aja selama ini, atau memang dari dulu mau ninggalin aku, sampe akhirnya beneran ninggalin aku dengam cara sejahat ini hahaha:')
anw, udah giliran aku nih ga terasa hampir setengah jam nulis. 
kamu baik baik disana ya, i miss you.