December 25th, 2017. Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

ga kerasa nih udah natal lagi aja hahaha.

2017 almost ends and here I am trying to write few things I had passed, at least for something I can read to remember.

so, my second Christmas for still being single.

and yaaa, still the decoration in my church itu exactly the same as the two years ago itself.

I still can feel a bit tingling feeling when looking around my church.

the atmosphere still the same and I still can remember clearly about the Dec 24th, 2015.

but, I am not as sad as last year,

while all I could do last year was only crying and staring blankly.

time heals, yash it does.

at least, a little.

he already has someone to celebrate Christmas day, while I have no one still.

at least, belum jelas aja.

just like usual, and maybe there wont be any difference like any other guy before him.

but yaaa, as always,

bringing the person who's close to me to every prayer is a must.

ga mau lagi salah langkah dan salah menentukan pilihan.

I don't know this thing will work out or not, but at least I tried.

dan ternyata dua hari lagi dia bakalan ulangtahun.

hahahahahahaha, well okay still remember what I did last year.

looking for his gift barengan sama Leona,

then sent it to his address.

and btw,

still there's no Christmas greeting from him.

kalo tahun lalu tuh masi diucapin tuh tanggal 25nya, lah ini kagak ada.

yaiya skarang udh ada pacar benerannya,

udah jelas dong fokusnya disana aja.

aku mah apa ahhahahaha.

honestly I feeeeel freakin tired for still having him in my mind.

I still have so many things about him which still distract me.

things that make me really hard to forget him.

I still clearly remember,

I still feel the pain in my chest,

I still can't trust no one every time I remembered what he already did to me,

I still think I won't ever move on,

but, I know I don't want him to ever return to my life.

once is enough for me for knowing the real him.

hanya saja, I can't lie about those things.

I can't.

dan mungkin hal itu yang bikin si dia itu ga yakin samaku dan belum berani jalan samaku, karena aku masi stuck dengan masa lalu.

kalaupun iya, I won't ask him to trust me.

biarkan dia percaya dengan sendirinya.

karena luka ini bukan sekedar luka.

kalo sesepele itu, I won't need 1.5 years only for forgetting someone who only stayed for less than 10months.

still, he is the reason for what I've been doing right now.

still you, Deekk..

kalo boleh jujur,

I only ask for someone who can understand me well and have the same vision with me.

I am way toooo tired for still stumbling with the same repeating case.

itu dulu sepertinya..

Feliz Navidad, Fellas! :)