another temptation :')

sometimes i wonder, why do i have to feel this?
while i have no more strength, feel like losing hope, feel so down and almost always in trouble, feel so empty,
God still can't stop giving me any temptation sequentially.
you know what kind of feeling where.....
you've waited for something you always dreamed of,
you've expected much about it,
you've already imagined how happy you will be at that time,
you'll figure it in your memories,
and another blissful imagination.
have you ever?
cause now i feel it :')

i've waited for something i always expected would be happend,
and then that time really comes.
for about few months, i always wanted that time will come faster and faster.
and when it already gets closer and stand straight through your face,
that something flies away and floating in the air.
i still don't know exactly, i will reach that something or i just can't.
i'm too much disappointed.
i just can blame my college, my university.
i'm not asking much, i never wanted a lot, i just want my something back!
this is my first time after sooooo long, after past few years.
i already imagined it, waiting for that time and then.... DAMN!

is it still not enough for any trouble i had recently?
should i get another temptation?
i just can't control myself for not screaming, crying, grumbling.
I FEEL SO DESPERATE AND SO UNCONTROLLED AND SOOOOO DISAPPOINTED!
haha, while others only can say "be patient, this is not our authority and blablashit!"
only myself knows how sick it is, how bitter it is and how shit it is.
feels like God can't stop tempting me :')
all i can do now is only keep praying and believing everything will be alright.
i really wish i can get what i supposed to get :'D


but i really thank God for giving me a super boyfriend for always standing next to me,
hold me, wiped my tears, hug me tight, stroked my hair and my cheek, tried to cheer me up.
when i got angry, i blamed him, i hit him, i abused him, haaaaah but he has no matter about it.
and moreover, he brought me a chocolate, he said it will help me to increase my mood.
i answered "no, just throw it away. i don't need it!"
but he didn't get angry, he looked at me so gently and waited for me to get calm :')
after crying for few hours and spent my hours by blaming him,
he hug me tight and hoped everything will be okay.
he asked me for not stop praying and believing.
he offered himself to spent his hours for accompanying me tonight.
and i ahh......
feel so touched........

dan sekarang aku cuman bisa berharap semoga semuanya baik-baik saja dan berjalan sesuai dengan rencana sebelumnya. semoga.