gloomy tuesday

have you ever felt like,
all you want to do is just laying on your bed,
looking at your room ceiling,
doing nothing?
you lost all your spirit but you don't know exactly why.
cause that's what's happening to me right now.
I don't know what I exactly want to cheer me up from this tough world.
ah, but maybe I know what it is.
I need someone to stay beside me.
my days feel so heavy lately without anyone knows, cause there won't be anyone understand me, there won't be anyone who cares at me.
like the way I want.

kangen rasanya ditelfonin sama seseorang, ditanyain kabar gimana hari ini, ceritain apa aja, ditemenin tidur.
kangen rasanya senyum senyum liat hp sendiri dan merindukan seseorang utk bisa ketemu lagi.
but the thing is, I don't know who should I miss.
I have no one I could miss, I could love.

btw, talking about my past time.
it's hard for me to say I'm happy for 'him' who already have someone beside him.
and ya, the way he treated her, exactly the same as he ever did to me. 
the things I stupidly thought, there won't be any girl in this world will experience it :')
and ya he ever lied to me.
for so many many times
he said he has no context with her, just an office partner.
but what I saw, was a total opposite as what he mentioned me.
don't you think I'm a super idiot for still trusting him after all the lies I witnessed by myself?
after almost a year and still, I'm standing here trusting him, hoping he'll come back some day or a year from now?
and there, he's having his happy life with that girl, don't give a shit about what's going on me?
kenapa harus bohong, kenapa harus nyari nyari alasan, kenapa harus bikin aku nunggu dan percaya, while you're already have a new one? 
do you think what I'm doing right now is an easy thing?
trusting what I know can't be trusted.
itulah hal tersulit yg sudah aku lakukan setahun terakhir :)

you know what,
after you, there's nobody else I could trust.
I'm no more trusting that love is really existed.
all I believe is, once you love someone, he/she will leave you sooner or later.
dan bener kan.
apa yg aku alami selama ini ya memang begitu.
all the boys I tried to know,
eventually leave.
yang mereka mau ya gimana enaknya.
once they got what they want, they just leave.
dan baru baru ini terjadi lagi.
bukannya aku terlalu baper atau gimana,
cuma ya....
dalam hitungan hari dan semua selesai.
kapan dia mood dia dateng, kalo ga yaudah pergi gitu aja.
without feeling sorry, without regretting everything.
kalo memang hati ini cuma dijadiin stop over, then when they're satisfied enough to savor it, they will just leave,
how many scars will be left in here?
salah ya aku berharap ada yg bisa mengerti aku?
I'm not asking for a super good man.
I'm only looking for someone who can understand and take care of me.

aku tau kok semuanya udh emng seharusnya ga dimulai dari awal, tapi you made me want to.
you are the one who said, just go with the flow and forget what we don't want to forget.
tapi yasudahlah.
lagi lagi begini hehehe.
cuma jadi persinggahan dan cuma jadi seneng sesaat.
kalo aja bisa, aku pengen bisa jadi kaya gitu.
gaperlu merasa bersalah ninggalin seseorang,
gaperlu bawa perasaan waktu deket sama seseorang.
tapi ya gimana, gimana mereka nyamannya, itulah yg mereka buat tanpa peduli aku bakalan gimana.
lagi lagi..
a victim.